There is no “Out There”

October 2, 2009 at 8:34 pm (Cindy Daniels inspires)
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Over the past several weeks, a general theme has been coming up around the concept of “identity”.  I’ve collected a few of those here, knowing from my work that so many are seeking clarity, direction and “what’s next”.  Something here may spark an idea for that person in your mirror.

One of my clients has been doing some great self-observation work and today we got onto the subject that we can only see aspects of ourselves in others, as a mirror to us.  For example, there are things I appreciate in others, such as intelligence, kindness or quick wit because I usually like those traits about myself.  Similarly, when I get aggravated by someone being controlling, well….where’s my mirror?  Not that I’m liking that part much.  “You Spot It, You Got It” could be another Universal Law, like gravity.  Whether you get a warm fuzzy or find yourself highly annoyed about someone’s behavior, remember, there is no “out there”.  If you are looking to have something be different, the answer is in your own back yard.

Speaking of close to home, last month I took my last “first day of school” picture on our front porch.  Yes, my baby girl is a high school senior.  My boys just rolled their eyes when I forced this tradition on them when they were high school.  Despite this year’s eye-rolling, the next comment was, “Mom, you have to get pics of [my daughter and her best friend] on the car.”  The car was, of course,  adorned with “Seniors ’10” and hearts painted all over the windows.  Then they were off to get iced coffees before school.  Ahh…the first day of school…that enthusiasm will be showing up again in June on the last day of school.  Another place for me to look at “identity”. What about how we perceive our roles in our lives? In this scenario, I’ll be evolving from my role as a “full-time mom” of 27 years (not like one is ever done being a parent) to an “empty nester”.

What roles, job descriptions, business titles or positions in organizations that you may currently hold have now run their course? Are you hanging onto them even if they are no longer a fit, simply because you have identified yourself as your job title? Could you still be you if you were no longer the president of ABCDE Group?  Are you truly dedicated to your role because it’s right for you or because it’s right for someone else?  I’m sure you’ve seen Dick Hoyt and his inspirational story at www.teamhoyt.com, yet it might be helpful to view his video again on the site if you happen to be asking yourself that question.

Speaking of what others might think, what era are you living in?  Is it the present or some other time?  This summer, I spoke with a friend who enjoyed a day at the PGA Championship round at Hazeltine National Golf Club with his friend.  Being a people observer, they talked of many attributes of today’s elite golfers, the demeanor of the crowd, etc.  After the round was completed, numerous people were gathering in a VIP tent.  His friend made a comment that was very interesting, “There are four groups of people in the tent.  One group will remain silent.  The second group will be those who say, ‘Do you know who I was?!’ The third group will be boasting, ‘Do you realize who I am?!’ Finally, the fourth group will be encouraging others to recognize, “Do you know who I’m going to be?!’  Then he asked my friend, ‘Which one are you?’”  Hmmm…. What era are you living in?  Is it serving you to dwell on the past, live only for the future or be with those who you can love and matter to right here, right now?

Let me end today’s thought about identity with the inspiring writing from Marianne Williamson in her book, A Return to Love, that Nelson Mandela helped make famous:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

BE the inspiration YOU are!

Blessings-

Cindy

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Summer Brain and Being Inspired

August 13, 2009 at 11:41 pm (Cindy Daniels inspires)
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Whew!  I’m back.  I took a bit of a writing sabbatical in the midst of the life upheaval called moving.  Relocated my home and my office last month.  Thank goodness for loving friends and great summer weather to minimize the awfulness of physically putting all my stuff from one building to another.

Summertime is a great time for moving and not only because my plants don’t freeze.  Summer is also a time when life is in an altered state, at least in the Upper Midwest.  For years I’ve referred to this state as “Summer Brain”.  I’m guessing there are innumerable reasons behind the relaxed mindset.  It could be possible that it is such a thrill that our frozen tundra has thawed for three short months so we get to play outside without 17 layers of clothing.  Or maybe that we don’t go to work in the dark, then go home in the dark.  Another explanation could be because school is out and we extrapolated that sense of “whatever…it’s summer” into adulthood.  Whatever the case, I’ve observed that right after the State Fair is over and Labor Day is behind us, most of us get our brains back.  There is focus again with the expectation of change and a sense of a “new year” mentality – even more realistically than the changing of the calendar on January 1.

Luckily, I’m feeling like I might be recovering from my Summer Brain symptoms earlier this year after not feeling like I had a summer.   I allowed the whole moving thing to consume me with many weeks of “packing, planting and painting”.  I was telling some friends last week that I’ve been doing those other “p” words with not enough “play” and I’m beginning to get rather “p***y” about it.  Not all that inspiring, so I’ve waited for some “peace and pleasure” to show up.  After all, I write to inspire….and I’m back in the nick of time, well before the summer has faded into history.

One advantage of my “p” tasks is that most of the time I spent alone in those activities.  The added bonus is what I was doing fit quite well with my summer brain as each thing really didn’t require any serious brain activity.  Having the advantage of (theoretically) plenty of meditative and thinking time isn’t all that relevant considering my hyper-active brain. Yet amidst the banter going on in my head, numerous inspiring topics showed up.  The first being the basic concept of “inspiring”.

“Inspire” is one of my favorite words.  My dear friend and branding expert, Kathy Garland, said, “You OWN “Inspire” because that’s what you DO”.  Being very aware of that word has me see it everywhere.  I liken it to buying a new car, then seeing the same make and model as your purchase everywhere you look, even if you were blinded to that model prior to your purchase.

With my heightened sense of my “inspire” word and pondering over planting, all kinds of philosophicalness (that’s now a word) came over me.  Then what happened?  I just was at a leadership conference out of town the last few days and walked into a workshop when one of the first topics was, ”Is being inspired something you ‘get’ from someone/something or is it something internal?”  People debated and then shared their reasons for their opinions being one side or the other.  The trainer said there was no right answer.  The jury is out on that one for me.  What do YOU think?  Are you an inspirer (internal source) or an inspiree (external source)?

Now let’s say you experience something external to you that motivates, energizes, triggers or uncovers passion, to the point that has you want to be or do something differently.  Where does that anxiousness, anticipation, curiosity or drive come from?  Is it really an external stimulus…really?  If it is, what did that external factor touch within you to have you feel inspired?  Similarly, is happiness an outside job?  What about love….is an external stimulant required to experience love?  I have a philosophy that there is no “out there”.  We only can experience a reflection of what we believe internally.

The alternative point of view is your inside world is the place inspiration is born.  What about all of your dreams, wishes and desires that appear to come from inside of you? Do you have the feeling that you have something original to experience or offer that you feel is driven from inside of you?  That “come from” can be very powerful as well.  What is it within you that makes “it” matter, keeps you in the game, has you contribute, or drives you to excel?

If you feel “inspired” (no rush if you have Summer Brain) let me know how you would vote.  To inspire or be inspired…is the source internal or external?

In the meantime, BE the inspiration YOU are!

Cindy

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Celebrating Change

May 22, 2009 at 8:33 am (Cindy Daniels inspires)
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Yesterday I wrote a marketing piece for something I offer during this gift-giving season.  My promotion addressed the fact that we, as a society, usually give gifts at a time of change.  The thought has become more curious to me overnight, so I’m filtering it out as I post here.

As a culture, we often give flowers, cards and gifts at Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.  These holidays celebrate love more than change and tend to be more intimate.  Still, the majority of the events that constitute throwing a party, gathering crowds or however we make a big deal about the person/people involved, revolve around some form of life transition.

I’m addressing these moments with wonder.  With the exception of birthdays, most of these events clearly constitute some form of life-altering adjustments for the people involved.  Here are the examples I noted:

Birthday = changing ages

Wedding = changing lifestyle and adding family member

New baby = permanently altering lifestyle and adding family member

Anniversary = reflection, and in a perfect world, gratitude

Engagements = excitement and/or terror (depending on who you talk to at any given time)

High School Graduation (for parent/s) = changing lifestyle and possibly semi-removing family member

High School Graduation (for graduate) = changing lifestyle and figuring life out

College Graduation (for parent/s) = changing financial lifestyle and possibly semi-re-adding family member

Getting unmarried = changing lifestyle and deleting (at least) one family member

New House = celebrating chaos and new beginnings

New Job = same

No Job = ok, maybe you would or wouldn’t consider this “giftable” depending on the scenario…yet, be a friend….this could be life-altering for your buddy

Retirement = (see HS Graduate above)

There will always be the range of how people celebrate or acknowledge a life shift.  Some follow the “let’s just fly under the radar about this” approach as opposed to others who get balloons and pop champagne because it’s Friday.

What is the impulse for us be joyous and join in commemorating a glorious occasion?

Is it tradition?  Many cultures have traditions and ceremonies built around “coming of age” or other rites of passage, as an example.

Is it love?  We simply can’t wait to share another’s joy and happiness.  Who doesn’t want to be around love energy?!

Is it expectation or obligation?  Oh, that’s just “what is done” when [that event] happens.

Is it support?  (aka: love category)  I’m going to give you the gift of my time to get you through this, my friend.

The times we celebrate life changes can often be anticipated by either a date on the calendar or a time that is an end result after some work and anticipation.  When we get to that celebration moment, we could experience gratitude, relief, completion, acceptance, anticipation or a myriad of other emotions.  The common factor is that we typically knew about the timing prior to the celebration, so we could “prepare”.

What about other types of transitions that we didn’t anticipate?  Some situations can toss our lives upside-down, not much differently than some of events listed above, yet we might say we weren’t “prepared” or we feel “it” happened unexpectedly.  Life continues to happen like that for all of us.  Those who like victimspeak will say it “happened to them”, as if they don’t have a part to play in their own life movies.

Why not celebrate that, too?  After the dust settles and you regroup, couldn’t you throw a party for the new YOU that was able to adjust, recover and grow?  How about celebrating that you can have multiple chapters in your book of life and each one becomes so rich that you can’t put the book down?  When you’re lovin’ life, those closest to you love your book, too, so why wait until the end?  If you’ve got a beating heart, you are living a life of change and transition all the time.  Make it a point to have at least a party per chapter – maybe after each time you learn something new, make a new friendship or gain another realization of your genius and brilliance.

To live a full life, we get to embrace all the twists, turns, inconveniences, blessings and growth along the way.  We have choice to make that a mundane, dum-dee-dum, one-step-in-front-of-the-other kind of plodding through our life or as, Dr. Suess would say, “…find the bright places wehre Boom Bands are playing.”  Celebrate change.  You and those your love are worth it – give them the gift of you.  Don’t wait.

Blessings-

Cindy

By the way, is the book of your life on your own “Best Seller” list?  I’m sensing a party invitation coming soon…

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Infuse Love / Evoke Passion

May 9, 2009 at 2:30 pm (Cindy Daniels inspires)
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This title sounds almost like a Valentine’s Day theme.  Yet, right before Mother’s Day, maybe it’s even timelier that I write this as there is no greater love than that of a mother.

Last week I was at a “Diva event” which was a promotion for a new very cool local wellness center.  One of the speakers that evening had a topic about creating better relationships, which piqued my interest.  One part of my business is involved with relationship marketing tools, so ongoing learning to be a better relater is something I’ll likely be working on for the rest of my days, in an expectation that one day I’ll get it right.  I believe that people tend to teach what they get to learn better, so more tools in my toolbox is a good thing.  I jumped into the seminar and, of course, being vocal, I (my relationship stuff) was the topic of discussion in the group.  What’s that saying?  – “Experience is what we get when we don’t get what we want.”  Oh, gotta love feedback.

The presenter talked about the concept of “infusing love”.  Wow!  That resonated with my philosophy that “the one with the biggest energy wins”, which got my brain spinning even more.  How many people do you know can change the energy of a room just by walking into it?  He or she could be charming, charismatic and gorgeous.  How about a toddler pitching a fit or an adult wanting to share his or her mad-on?  Did you ever experience someone who hit a jackpot of some kind and wanted to “share the news”?  We’ve all experienced that kind of large, vocal, “instant” kind of energy, that when infused into the environment, will shift “what was” to an entirely new situation.

Now imagine a large, quiet, enveloping energy – a giant dose of unconditional love – similar to a parent or grandparent holding the context, mood, expectation and belief in a child.  The inspiration, fulfillment and contentment of the second scenario is not as instant and jarring as the former scenarios, yet the lasting effect of love energy is permanent, evasive and something we all retain in our souls.

Big energy often appears that it is cast into a space, onto a person or into a situation.  A person in a position of authority might set a stage of expectations that comes from a commanding or controlling perspective, thinking that kind of behavior will get results faster.  It often does.  The responding parties will comply because of unease, retribution or some other fear-based emotion and the pervasive longer-lasting result is often resentment.  Did you ever hear the statement, “Resentment is the poison you take hoping someone else will die”?  How could this strategy ultimately result in a long term gain if those involved are expected to be happy, productive contributors?  Isn’t that in itself an ideal?  Ask anyone what they want the closest people in their lives to experience and the ultimate response is always, “I want them to be happy.”

A couple of years ago one of my clients, who held a management position, was responsible for the performance of numerous people and an improved bottom line for the organization.  Holding a position of authority as a leader, the manager believed in the need to act as an authoritarian.  In this case, it wasn’t authoritarian as in a “teacher” who has an expertise in a subject; it was the authoritative type of conduct that was assertive, directive and controlling.  It finally became apparent that the forceful style of addressing issues and duties continually prompted frustration with all involved.  “I want to instill pride into them!” was a repeated comment by this individual who was charged to lead. Really?!  How can one “instill” anything into someone when they already have it?  It almost gets me as upside-down as saying, “I’m empowering my team.”  What?!  Who made you God today thinking you have the ability to give anyone else power?  Geez!  How about “evoking” pride? What about recognizing that empowerment is an inside job?  Any trait, skill, value, passion or characteristic that lies dormant can be shaken up and brought forth with the right kind of attention, nurturing energy or compelling reason.

Bringing forth one’s genius, brilliance or passion comes from a source of energy rooted in love, trust and an of-course-you/I-can belief.  It can be as simple as the example of how all of us learned to walk.  We were determined, encouraged, fell down, got up and didn’t waiver in the belief we could do it.  We had someone believe in, encourage and guide us. At some point, all of us who have achieved something beyond what we originally thought possible for ourselves had a parent, teacher, partner, coach, friend, business associate or mentor that held the bar up for us, gave little energy to our limiting “circumstances”, infused love and said, “Yes, you can”.  And we did.

Be that today.  Be love loving.  Think of your mom and all the others who nurtured you and assisted in evoking your passion and greatness at one time in your life.  They lit your candle when it was dark in your world.  Their candle never diminished by lighting yours.  Now it’s your turn. Where can you light a candle or two today?

Be the inspiration YOU are –

Cindy

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Opportunities and Incoveniences

April 28, 2009 at 6:22 pm (Cindy Daniels inspires)
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I was only out of college a couple of years when I had a boss that had a favorite saying that drove me nuts. I would go into his office with a “crisis” that was going on with a vendor, customer or prospect and he would say, “We have opportunities and inconveniences.” Then he would stare at me standing there. That’s it. No more. In other words, “Figure it out.” I immediately would think of what my mother would say to my siblings and me when we would come to her and say, “I can’t (do something).” She would consistently “remind” us that “can’t” was a word that really meant nothing to her and we would need to come up with a better option before we came back to her with our dilemma.

Fast forward many years and I reflect on how fortunate I feel now that I was given the opportunity (aka: forced) to “figure it out”. Time and again, I’ve seen leaders, managers, parents and teachers do their best to control situations and never give the people they serve the chance to correct/manage/lead their “inconvenience” without attaching some fear of getting busted for doing it “wrong”. I wouldn’t be able to notice that in others if I wasn’t also guilty as charged. How much talent is being squashed in our collective personal or professional environments every day because of thoughts like “what will happen if I don’t do it right, don’t know how, am afraid to ask for direction, etc.” for fear of some (usually unspoken) retribution? How very unproductive and unfortunate to have this victim mentality so prevalent in our cultures with all the talent, wisdom and experiences we have available among us.

What I’ve come to notice in true leaders is the consistent theme of self-responsibility. I don’t mean leaders by title alone as many of them still play the blame game. True leaders know that the only really effective place to point a finger is in the mirror. They also know that the way to change the status quo is to take some committed action to eliminate, alleviate, rectify, improve or reinvent situations that are not working ideally. They don’t wait for it to miraculously “evolve” on its own to something better. Leaders allow and even encourage the people around them to do the same. This reminds me of the saying, “If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.” Be the solution.

As life happens, I get to practice what I preach. Again. My landlord recently called to inform me that he is selling the house I live in with my daughter. My original intent was to live where I do until she graduates from high school, which isn’t until the summer of next year. Being someone who grew up on a farm, meaning moving wasn’t even on one’s radar screen, then living in my past home for over 20 years, the simple thought of physically moving is nauseating to me at best. In my world, this “inconvenience” falls into the understatement category. Yet, as in a Chinese dialect, the word symbol for “crisis” is the same as “opportunity”. As with the conversations with my mom, I can simply have my initial little Mount Vesuvius reaction, get over myself and figure it out, knowing that whatever solution I come up with is significantly better than “victim speak”.

We all play in the movies of our own lives. What some of us fail to understand is that we are the writers, directors, producers and actors/actresses. Whatever the circumstances are, have been or will be in our lives are a result of every single choice we have made (or not) or idea we have had up to this moment. There isn’t something “out there” that created our health, financial, relational or other status without our input at some level. What if your movie isn’t a script you like anymore?  Change your mind, take some committed action, and change your life. Your inconveniences can lead to tremendous opportunities.

Genius, Dr. Seuss, in his book, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” talks about the “Waiting Place” – where people are just waiting – whether for a Better Break or Another Chance, people are just waiting. Is that you? Will you find Opportunity in your Waiting Place? Will you deal with your Inconveniences there? Is the factor that “caused” an inconvenience in your life to “happen to you” going to some how fix itself without doing anything differently? Not likely. It’s up to you. Period. As living beings, we are no different than any other organic part of nature that experiences either growth or decay at any given time – not both. If something is not growing, it’s dying…there is no static state. Stagnation, inaction and waiting are counterintuitive to leaders. Growth, movement and being generative are magic keys to fulfillment, happiness and peace. When you have peace in your heart and life, all of us prosper. Whenever you step up as a leader in your own life, there is less victim mentality in our world as large. Thank you! To paraphrase this book again, “So…….you’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting…get on your way!”

In gratitude…

Cindy

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Of Leaders and Lemmings

April 7, 2009 at 4:18 pm (Cindy Daniels inspires)
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It is said there is a very fine veil between what might be considered “genius” and what one might deem as “crazy”. The common denominator is that neither is typically steeped in the context of main stream thinking.

I have a quote hanging in my office by Ramtha that states, “The reason someone is a genius and knows things you do not know is because he has opened his mind to contemplate the ‘what if’s’, the outrageous thoughts, the thoughts of brilliance that go beyond the limited thinking of man. He has allowed himself to entertain and reason with these thoughts, whereas you have rejected them. It is very simple to be a genius. All you have to do is think for yourself.”

If that be the case, what I find myself fortunate to attract into my life is a fair number of geniuses. These fascinating and talented folks, bent on making a difference in our world, have strange and delightful ideas. Their time and energy is not spent marinating in an ongoing dose of CNN, the doom of the current economy and the drama of “what’s wrong” with this, that or the other.

Once I learned the distinction that there is more power in taking a stand for something one believes in (vs. wasting energy on what’s not working), it was easier for me to recognize wise leaders, the genius among us.

Being a mom, I’ve had more than my share of times my darlings have said, “Mom, you’re weird.” My response, “You get weird or boring for a mother. Pick one.” To date, they haven’t voted on “boring”. I’m also intending that that my “take a stand for something” will simmer on the back burners of their brains. I’m currently holding the belief that standing for change vs. whining about what’s wrong actually is becoming more mainstream, even if forced by the current state of affairs in our world.

Last week, a friend was talking about a futurist he had learned from who talked about looking to those who think on “the fringe” or the “outer edge” of main stream thought. The belief was that is the place where things start. New ideas, inventions, capability thinking and creative energy is birthed “on the edge”. I have always been intrigued with non-traditional thinkers, the ones on the peripheral…the visionaries, leaders and breakthrough crazy people who can hold the context for a new paradigm. By nature, these masters of their convictions live in possibility thinking vs. lemming thinking. They also can bring the new consciousness to the masses.

If you are unfamiliar with what I’m referring to as “Lemming Thought”, a great visual of this concept was done in 1985, when Apple ran a Superbowl ad called “Lemmings”. You can see it at this link www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYP1Tjgt1Ao if you can’t remember (or weren’t born yet). It reminds me of the famous saying of parents in response to how unfair we are because “…all of my friends get to (insert what you’re bad or unfair about here)!”

Inasmuch as thinking for oneself is a quality of a great leader, it’s crucial to not create a state of operating in a vacuum, being right or Lone Rangership. The best leaders in organizations are usually smart enough to hire others with better skills than the leader or visionary has in different domains. They are fabulous coaches, teachers, mentors and story tellers. They have the ability to move people to action. As much as they understand that they guide the ship, they know they are not likely to get where they choose to be in the time they intend to get there if they row alone.

Numerologically, 2009 is a “2” year – a year of partnership, collaboration and alliances. Is the genius called “You” connecting with other fringe thinkers to make something spectacular happen in the world? Is your network all about “knowing more people” or are you intending to build relationships with those you know? Can you allow yourself to think beyond “what someone might say” if you didn’t follow the masses when you know it to be fruitless for creating what you say matters in your life? Being a lemming is easy. Being a genius is easy. Being both is not.

Be careful. If you stick your toe into the water on the peripheral of main stream thinking, you might find it very enticing to find new and interesting things and ideas there. You may not choose to look back at what “the masses” are doing. It can even be lonely for awhile…ask any pioneer. What if you would have to give up the idea that those you love or work with may join you? They may or they may not. The most important thing for you to feel fulfilled, brilliant and alive is to bring forth your brilliance and be the genius you are in this lifetime.

Yet there will be times for miracles to be brought to your awareness. Even though your non-traditional thought might be weird or crazy to many, someday you’ll be heard – and you may even be an inspiration! As an example, just last week, my Aries child, who will soon be legal in all states for all things, called to ask me a question about astrology. “Mom, is Aries a fire sign? What does that mean?” (insert giant smile here) Please understand a question like that coming from this child is like getting a tree to rake leaves. Uh oh…I might just need to move closer to the edge…

Come there with me and be inspired!

Cindy

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Willingness and Change

March 29, 2009 at 8:35 pm (Cindy Daniels inspires)
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My daughter in high school has several friends with strong musical talent. At dinner tonight she said, “You know what I like about musicians? They are committed to something until they ‘get it’…that’s why they’re so good”. We then got to talking about dedicated athletes and others who perfect or excel in a skill, trade or interest. There is something about the ongoing practice and dedication necessary to make something difficult look effortless that is exciting, inviting and inspiring.

I told her what I like about those types of people is their willingness to be taught and/or coached. Self-discipline required in order to repetitively learn and embody traits, responses, and habits. The student/learner needs to be open to direction, alternative ideas and feedback in order to alter what is necessary to obtain the results they seek.

Earlier today I was talking to another friend about how our kids (now in teens and twenties) adapt faster than our generation. Ok, he still has “dial-up” at his office (which I didn’t know still existed) so some of us may be dragging a little more than the rest of us. His daughter wanted to teach him to use Skype today – just the thought of moving from dial-up and adding a camera to his computer was a bit over the top for him. I’m holding to the idea that progress is still possible there.

Our topic expanded to how there is a continual shift in upbringing from generation to generation. Like my parents, I went to a small school in a rural area; change in environment was very limited. We always knew who was going to be in our class the next year because there was only one 2nd grade or 5th grade class in my school. It was odd for a new student to join my grade school or high school as most farms and small businesses stayed in the family. In contrast, my children went to school in a large suburban district expecting to have different kids in their classes or on their sports teams each year. It would be unusual to have several of the same kids moving with the same group into the next grade or possibly even the same sports team, from one year to the next. When I consider adding this change in friends and classmates to the ever changing technology, diversity and globalization that Gen X and Gen Y are immersed in, their position becomes almost enviable.

The exposure to learning online, their “expectation” of inevitable change, along with willingness to continually embrace it and adapt quickly, gives younger generations a distinct advantage over my Baby Boomer peers. As a slow adapter and the Queen of Resistance (you haven’t seen that blog post yet), I am at last on board with needing to think more like my kids’ generation, especially now around the social networking arenas.

For example, my son started writing a blog about a week ago. Actually, I find it pretty amusing….see www.givingitstraight.com for a laugh or two and maybe some insight! My point is, he was excited to show me his [amazing] stats tonight on how many hits he was getting from, yes, most states in the U.S. plus some countries in Europe and S. America – all in about a week! I asked him how he did that so quickly. He mentioned he sent out an email to about 60 friends, then said, “Mom, keep in mind I have 637 friends on Facebook.” Of course he does. So do all of his peers – and they use the system.

Like my other kids and their friends, expecting change is a way of life. Access to information and a willingness to adapt to “what is” faster than those stuck in “what we wish it still was” gets them faster, more effective results. What that generation has to say…their individual dedications to be a voice, a dreamer, an athlete, a dancer, a contributor, a musician, an artist, a difference…is truly exciting, inviting, and inspiring.

Plus, they’re having a blast!

Where is your willingness to be committed to something until you “get it”…so you can be “that good”?

Be inspired!

Cindy

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Half of a Joke

March 26, 2009 at 12:13 pm (Cindy Daniels inspires)
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Yesterday I had lunch with my dear friend, Peter. He characteristically started to tell me something, then decided he’d save it for later. One thing I’ve learned about Peter is that “later” in that context rarely ever happens.

I’ve known Peter since 1986, when he became the insurance buyer at a company I handled the insurance for, and despite my exit from that industry years ago, we remain in contact. Not only have we done business together for at least 15 years, we’ve gone through his transition to ownership of his company, my leaving commercial insurance after 22 years, life stages of our growing children, etc. Peter is very private, stoic and grew up as a strong Minnesota farm boy with several brothers. Not overly emotive is an understatement.

Being a talker, writer and story teller myself, one thing that gets me crazy is when only part of a story is told and it really has no ending. Peter often had the wonderful habit of starting to tell me something, then saying, “Aw, never mind” before he would conclude. His smirking didn’t help. I was continuously left hanging. It was no different than being told a joke without the point or the punch line. Good grief! Something similar to when my English teacher would bust me on sentences with a “dangling participle”. Come on!

What do you think I got “trained” to do after several years of listening to a first part of a story, joke, thought or opinion Peter was giving me? You’re right, like Pavlov’s dog, I trained myself into expecting that I wasn’t going to get the end of the story. It soon became like the “crying wolf” concept…I began not listening or giving the story much credence in the first place. With a brain like mine always on hyper-drive, I didn’t need more “stuff” up there bouncing around. For Pete’s sake, (no pun intended) I hardly remember full jokes, much less incomplete ones.

Peter’s need to express (being a rather guarded person) and my need to understand (wanting full disclosure) often set us up to be like ships in the night. It wasn’t until recent years in our friendship that I had a revelation to get over myself. All those many, many times that he was saying something of value (to him) and I was habitated (is that a word?) to miss, discount or ignore his half-stories, was truly a loss for both of us. It took this many years for Peter to express himself to me in the way that worked for him. I missed that in his world, the act of expression (despite my need for “complete expression”) was of value to him.

Coincidentally, another friend and I were talking about this concept and he recently posted an article called Nail the Sale, Seal the Deal which talks about the “Compulsion for Closure”. You can find the full article at www.grayfoxpartners.wordpress.com. Conceptually, most highly successful people have a drive to complete things.

Leaving conversations, tasks, arguments, stories, follow-ups, projects and the like incomplete causes brain static. The little voices in our heads (no, you are not immune) start to accumulate all kinds of “I should finish this, I need to get back to him on that, I have to get research more, this has dragged on so long that I’m losing sight of the point of it all, I didn’t apologize yet, etc.” Whew! Our brains are similar to listening to an AM radio station in a thunderstorm!

Here’s a thought for you. Take a moment to write down nine things in your life that are open-ended right now. Make them things you can complete in less than one hour. Starting today and for the following eight consecutive days (no skipping days, it’s a feng shui thing), finish and cross of one of your items each day. After nine days, I promise some of the static will subside. Heck, you might not only get rid of the storm, you could tune into a clear FM station in your head!

Now I need to remember one of Peter’s half jokes so I can call him for another punch line…

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Nice Idea or No Kidding?

March 16, 2009 at 3:32 pm (Cindy Daniels inspires)

Last week I received a call to speak to an organization that works with people in some stage of transition in their careers. We discussed what they wanted me to address their people about in the current economic climate.  One of the many items addressed was motivation.  That later got me thinking about one of the “distinctions” I addressed in my last post.

I located an article based on the above title I had published several years ago on this point.  The current economic state is cycling a bit differently know, yet the message remains. Here’s my slightly updated version which may be of interest to you if you are in business and/or transition.

We are soon to be completing the first quarter of what is for many, their fiscal year. If you’re still bent on listening to the doom and gloom of the media on an hourly basis, I’m guessing you’re not expecting much in the way of stellar results for your company or yourself. Yes, “if only”. “If only the economy was better, our sales team would amp it up, we could get a handle on our expenses, our leadership team wouldn’t be so secretive about what they are doing, I had more vacation time, blah, blah, blah. Yup, any of these things change and it’ll be a stellar year ahead! Something “out there” will shift and everything will be fabulous!“

Here’s the bad news. There is no “out there”…..your fabulous year ahead is an internal job.

Often times around the turn of the calendar year there are articles published as (or similar to) “New Year, New You”.  A few years ago, I addressed this topic as a speaker to a group in January and realized the content was not that far off from one of the topics I speak about: “Nice Idea vs. No Kidding”. One particular time I was addressing a job transition group about this concept and had the strangest experience.  It was similar to a movie that everything seemed to happen in slow motion.  Some of these brilliant, talented people were at another of the weekly meetings they were attending and I could tell they either were falling into or already ingrained in “wish mode”. It’s not that these well-deserving people weren’t competent to find new work environments. They were simply blinded to the fact that their efforts were more of a nice idea, than a clearly directed “I’ll-do-whatever-it-takes – no kidding” job search. Some of them admitted it was difficult to remember what day of the week it was, didn’t bother to get up and dress “as if” their “job” that day was to find a job.  How about shaving?…that could be a place to start! It was rather easy to fall into the trap of “more or better sameness” because something different must occur to have a different result.

Nothing will change if the basis of your choices aren’t effective. Three major components of effective choices are the conversation you have with yourself, your commitment and the timing involved.

It’s easy to conceptualize how to react to someone when you’re not in dialogue; how to not drink/smoke/gamble when you’re in the shower; how to address your 2 year old throwing a fit in Target when he’s sleeping in his bed; how to tell your boss the project is unraveling when you’re on vacation. That’s nice idea thinking. The way to have a no-kidding difference in your life is to remember that you are creating your experience by the choices you are making moment by moment by moment WHEN you are in the thick of experiencing the thing in which you are expecting a different result. You are responsible in ‘real time’.

Choice is also difficult when self-talk doesn’t sound right. There is often value in re-wiring how you listen to yourself in order to stimulate ongoing action. Not long ago one of my clients and I were talking about being disciplined. I referenced the old saying, “We all face pains in life…either the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” This person understood the value of ongoing practices in order to achieve something different and, to her, the word “discipline” meant something oppressive, hard or involved suffering. We rewired the saying to be, “….the wisdom of practices or the pain of regret.” This seemingly small shift has helped her keep on track to create something new.

Lastly, you are always committed to something – either your results or your excuses of why you don’t have the results you say matter. Consider getting a partner (boss, co-worker, coach or friend) who will be a commitment to the commitment YOU say you want. Make your choices in real time on an ongoing basis and you will be on your way to more business success, happier relationships and inspired life for yourself!  No kidding.

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Panda food, Distinctions and Relating

March 6, 2009 at 3:26 pm (Cindy Daniels inspires)

I’m fascinated with the concept of ‘distinctions’. As a coach, business owner and mom, I realize that the value of interpreting something with some mindfulness can bring forth clarity and often make all the difference between success or an alternative outcome.

Back in the middle 90’s I was involved in some transformational training work and was introduced to the distinction of Excellence vs. Perfection. At that time in my life, especially being a perfectionist in many areas, it took me a bit to wrap my head around what that even meant. In coaching certification school, and later working with my coach, I was exposed to even more areas that could use discernment.

Once I “got it”, I’ve been recognizing, using and teaching distinctions ever since. I find it valuable for clarity and focus. Without recognizing the difference in a scenario or interpretation of something, it could lead to confusion and no objective results.

How could you relate to your situation or another person differently if you had your own clarity first? Please read that question again. Here are some examples of distinctions you may find valuable for use in your life or current circumstance that may assist you in opening up a new possibility:

- Excellence/Perfection

- Nice idea/No kidding

- Solutions/Benefits

- Urgency/Desperation

- Management/Leadership

- Growth/Maintenance

- Feedback/Constructive Criticism

- Having a position/Taking a stand

- Blow off/Choose not to

- Stubborn/Clarity of Commitment

- That something happens/How something happens

- Counseling/Coaching

- Providing answers/Building competencies

- What’s wrong/What’s missing

- Inspire/Influence

- Values/Beliefs

- Beliefs/Behavior Patterns

- Networking/Alliances

Here is a living example of a distinction. My children have all heard multiple times that I want them to know they can depend on me, yet they eventually can’t be dependent upon me. For example, if one would call me with an emergency or urgency, they can ‘depend’ on me to drop or rearrange what I need to in order to be there or handle what I can. ‘Being dependent upon’ (depending on age and abilities) is another matter. Let’s take this one step further to define what is considered to be urgent.

“Urgent” typically also means something very different to me than it does to the rest of my family.  Each of my kids at one time or another has called me in a panic saying, “There’s nothing good to eat in the house” when it was snack time, which is always with teenagers. Yet a full refrigerator doesn’t mean that to me. The “no food” phone call is therefore not urgent doesn’t require action on my part.

This leads to another distinction. If a food in the kitchen appears to come from a live plant and may require cutting or peeling (vs. processed and/or microwaveable), my daughter calls it “panda food”. According to her, teenagers are not meant to eat like pandas and shouldn’t be subject to eating fresh foods, unless they are pre-cut and peeled. I’ll just stop that one here.

Interpretation of needs, wants and desires even in something which one might think simple can cause frustration or potentially a meltdown in a relationship.  How we interpret information may be very different than that of a prospect, friend, child, significant other. Even with the distinctions I’ve listed above, we each will make up or realize different meanings of ideas and words through our own “filters”, which are likely different than that of another.

In an effort to afford you more meaningful, less confusing or potentially less tense interactions with those that matter to you, how can you take some action on this information? What if you even took one of the distinction pairings above to start a dialog with someone you cared about? Or maybe even journaled for your own clarity? Be curious! What difference could that make in your relationship if you offered, “You matter to me. I want to understand you.”?

2009 is a year of relating. Being a ‘lone ranger’ will not get you far based on the way the commerce, personal, family, and service needs are evolving today’s climate. Interdependencies are critical and they don’t happen without some action. Make a point to reach out to someone you haven’t connected with lately – at least daily. It might even be someone living or working under the same roof where you spend the majority of your time. I will be writing in future posts about collaboration, alliances, relationship, etc. In the meantime, NOW would be the time for you to be the inspiration YOU ARE in the world!

Blessings-

Cindy

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